The age of sincerity

Sincerity is authenticity on the other side of ego death

Wildflowers along the Pogonip hiking trail by UC Santa Cruz.

Different words have different feeling tones. The word ‘authenticity’ used to energize me, this notion that there was an authentic self inside me somewhere, and if I could just find it, I could figure out how I fit into this life.

But after being bamboozled a time or two thinking I was on the verge of finding it only to be shown the near-distant mirage of my so-called ‘authentic self’ again, I’m really wanting to lay down the search for this blob.

It’s exhausting, isn’t it? This search for authenticity?

The word ‘authenticity’ actually makes me recoil a bit. Hearing quips like, “Be your authentic self,” just makes me tired. They grate on me. And this message is everywhere.

Sociologist Charles Taylor said that we’ve been living in the ‘age of authenticity’ since the early 1960s. Authenticity has been the name of the game for my entire life.

“Be all you can be.”
“The world is your oyster.”
“Like Mike. If I could be like Mike.”
“Just do it.”
(I could go on.)

Alex shared this line with me the other day, and it struck a chord…

“The most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered, is being insincere. That is why so much of social life is exhausting; one is wearing a mask.”

-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Sincerity…

This word rings differently than authenticity.

It rings true.

We live in a time of insincere authenticity.

I can’t say right now what I think the exact distinction between sincerity and authenticity is, but a word-image popped into my heart that might touch on the pulse…

Sincerity
is authenticity
on the other side
of ego death -
the other side
of the cross

‘Sincerity’ has a relational ring to it. It’s a way of being with others. It has to do with honesty and integrity in how I’m relating with them.

‘Authenticity’ feels isolated. It’s like a blob of self that supposedly lives somewhere in me. It begins and ends in me, me, me. It’s a product of the self curved inward. I can justify all kinds of dishonesty and incongruity in the name of being my ‘authentic self.’

But when the self-deception becomes too loud… When we realize there is no inner blob of authenticity and we see that this is yet another way the ego has gotten its hooks into us… We are left with our naked selves in relation to the other.

Relation to God. Relation to neighbor. Relation to the created world. It is only in this dance of relationality that we find…

Sincerity.

Am I performing an image of self, or am I being with you in a sincere way? In an honest way? In a way that doesn’t make my insides slowly rot? Am I hurting you? Am I trying to save you? Am I relating to you in a way that solely has to do with self-protection? Or am I with you in a way that truly wants to hear you, see you, and connect with you, knowing that God is holding both of us in love no matter how messy this conversation might be? No matter how messy you or I might be?

I haven’t nailed it down yet, but I think sincerity has to do with the self-to-other connection. And really, I don’t know if it’s possible to find sincerity without some sort of connection to the Divine. To something bigger than the self.

When all I have is my fragile ego, I need to be really careful with that brittle thing with you. I need to protect it. I need to make sure you don’t break it. I need to make sure it’s either bigger than yours so that it wins or far smaller than yours so it doesn’t pose a threat and remains safe that way. My ‘authentic self,’ at its best, is just a really good mask for my fragile ego to parade around in. And like Lindbergh says, wearing this thing might be fun at first, but after a while, it’s exhausting.

When I have a deep connection to an eternally loving creator who is constantly resurrecting me through my continual ego deaths, I can be less guarded. I can be more honest. It can be about us, not just me. I can make our relationship less about self-protection and more about sincere connection.

So, to close this missive…

May the age of authenticity
be coming to a close
and the dawn of the age of sincerity
be breaking toward the horizon.