The shattering

A blessing of sorts

West Cliff Drive; Santa Cruz, CA. Photo by Jonas Ellison.

This is for you
in your self-assigned
holiest moments;
the ones where you think 
fondly and proudly
of your spiritual, moral, and religious vigor.

The moments where you know
…just know
that you’re doing all the things
that God would have you do.

May you be reminded
in those self-righteous moments of glory
that you are utterly
and entirely
full of it. 

And may you,
when the facade of your ego
is shattered,
see the soft and scattered reality 
of your stature underneath.

May you see 
with eyes of honesty
that your life
is not worthy of a reward of holiness
but is rather
in stark need
of grace and restoration.

This marks the end of your false self
(for now);
the end of your contrived self that resides
in a crystal palace of glory
isolated from those over there
who are messy and wayward.

In the shattering, may you see
that nothing separates the messiness in you
and the waywardness of your neighbor
from the embrace of God. 

In your beloved messiness, may you feel
the refreshing vigor of honesty
in the gaze of a loving Father
who gives you wholeness
in exchange for your waywardness
not as a reward that separates you from your neighbor
but as a balm that heals you 
and turns you towards each other
in love, solidarity, and shared brokenness. 

In God’s honest and loving gaze,
like the prophet Jeremiah, 
you can pray the truth -
that you feel abandoned;
that God has been to you
a deceitful brook,
like waters that fail.

For you can only say these words
when your ego has died
and you know that God can handle your anger
and will not forsake you.

This feels like a death
and it is, in a big way;
but this God doesn’t stop you short of the cross,
this God takes you through it.

This God is not waiting
for you to save yourself
through your good deeds
or moral and religious prowess.

This God is here
to bring you through your death
into the new life beyond it
while using your wounds
to send you out in joyful ministry
towards a parched world.